After graduating from my illustration degree, a National competition was announced to design sets and costumes for a production of La traviata, the opera by Verdi (see elsewhere on my blogs and especially here). It is one of my favourite operatic works and so naturally I thought, “this is it – my opportunity”, and I threw myself into the project. I had no other work to distract me.
The senes created show the tragic consumptive courtesan Violetta Valery, and her Parisian salon; her country house (in symbolic autumnal shades) and finally her decaying Miss Haversham-like bedroom where she dies in the arms of her forbidden lover, Alfredo. The costumes are decorated with camellias in the first act, and I had a very clear vision of how I felt the opera should be presented.
So… what happened? I lost confidence. And not for the first time. The overwhelming thing in life that has held me back is a fear of failure. Rather than face that, I decided to not enter. After all, who did I think I was? I had no training, no understanding of fabrics and making costumes and no concept of stage craft. I overlooked the fact I had passion and fire in my belly and a deep knowledge of the work, the era in which it is set and the costumes and architecture of the period. I also ignored the fact that I had a vision and was inspired. My sensible and anxious voice won, and my day-dreaming risk-taking voice bowed down. I cancelled my application form and shelved the art. It has never been seen by anyone… until now.
Interestingly, I don’t just think – Oh! I wish I’d entered. Mainly I think… these are interesting; but I would approach and interpret the story very differently now, and I think much much better.
Designing La traviata one day remains one of my biggest hopes and dreams. I know I could do it; I know I could do it damned well. I have things to say about this opera, visually, and I would so love to try them out. Maybe one day… who knows? For now I will content myself by playing one of my umpteen recordings and if I close my eyes I can see my sets and costumes come alive in my imagination. I wish you could see them, too. They are very beautiful.
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